Tuesday, 12 February 2013

The Patrick Stewart Conspiracy

It must be universal. People must have noticed. If you don't know what I'm talking about, let me explain.

Have you noticed that Patrick Stewart never ages?

You can type in 'Patrick Stewart' to Google and one of the options that automatically appears is 'never ages'.

There are many other strange goings on in the world but this attracted my attention for many a year. The other wondering is why is Anne Hathaway just so s**t. But not as many people share this same thought with me.

It is a known fact that you look up at the sky, several people near you will also look up without thinking. Same with yawning. You can be sitting next to a stranger on a train and you cross your legs, seconds later the stranger with do the same. But this point was already brought up in an advert.

Another strange but true observation is this. When you're sitting at a bus stop, drivers going past will automatically look. They aren't looking for anyone, they just look. I pointed this out when on one of my many journeys to and from school. There could a crowd or just two people standing there, but drivers will always look, even if it is just a quick glance.

Its the same with the pavement dance. I am referring to the situation when you stand out of the way of someone as they are having the same thought, you end up doing a little jig on the pavement until one of you gets its right. But we've all had this happen. It is similar to the situation when you are at a crossing. You are alone and there are people opposite you, yet they all decide to walk at you instead of walking into the space next to you. It really infuriates me.

When we are young, children I mean, we are told by out parents that a reason for doing something or being told to do something or being denied something is 'because I said so'. We can't argue back. So we seethe in anger at this reason, which technically isn't a reason, until we are old enough to answer back and to point out that it is the most inane reason on the planet. But why do we wait so long to point this out?

Other happenings such stepping out into a clear road, when suddenly a car appears honking its horn is a usual occurrence. As well as the old sayings, 'you don't know what you've got til its gone', 'he who hesitates is lost' and 'once twice three times a lady'. Or you think of the best comeback to an argument at 2am in bed. Or suddenly forget how to walk down stairs for a second and trip up anyway. (Maybe the last one isn't universal) but you see my point.

You can all them life's little mysteries but I call them miniature conspiracies. The Patrick Stewart one being the main one. I could go as far as to say, Stewart could be the course of these strange phenomenons. But I won't, at least, not outright.

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